Coming out, how common is a fetish, and dating within the scene

This article will be a mix of three related subjects that seem to be on the mind of many of my followers based on the number of questions I get about them; how do you tell others about your fetish for rainwear, how common is it to like rainwear that much, and where can you find other people with a similar interest? When I talk about a fetish in this article I am referring to the way that word is commonly used: feelings of sexual arousal from, in this case, rainwear, which can, but don’t have to be, necessary for sexual gratification.

Coming out

The term “coming out” is often used within the LGBTQ+ community as a moment where you tell people around you about your true gender or sexuality. This can be a very difficult and stressful moment, but simultaneously extremely liberating as you don’t have to hide your true self any longer. Within the fetish community there is much less of a focus on coming out, mainly because once you have accepted your own fetish there is little need to explain or tell many people around you about it. In most cases a fetish plays out in a private setting meaning that keeping it to yourself does not limit you in your daily life, or when it is more in a public setting it will be around likeminded people who will understand you already based on the fact you are there and are in your favorite gear.

guy cotten rainsuit and rubber danish gas mask

The main person most people with a fetish have a “coming out moment” with would be their partner. Sharing your deepest feelings is not just about building a stronger connection, in most cases it is a way of seeing if your partner is interested in integrating your fetish into the intimate moments. And while the prospects of gear-fueled intimacy can be ecstatic, you will probably feel exceptionally vulnerable sharing this information as you cannot be sure what the reaction will be. Next are some tips on how to approach this subject, mostly based on common sense, what I’ve read, and asking some people around me about their personal experiences.

Telling someone about your fetish too early might scare them away and open you up to ridicule, while waiting too long might bring trust issues and (sexual) frustration. Somewhere in between would be best, obviously, but the exact time depends on your unique situation. The larger the role your fetish plays in your daily life, the quicker you want to be with telling. The easiest way to approach the subject is by testing the waters carefully first. Here a fetish for rainwear has a huge advantage over other fetishes; you can simply point out how you like a pair of rainboots or the material of a nice raincoat when you see someone wearing it on the street or when you pass a shop that has it on sale. Or, if you are lucky, wait till your partner is geared up on a rainy day and mention or show with actions how this influences your level of attractions to them. Their reaction will tell you how to proceed further. Compare that to other fetishes that are much less common or don’t happen in the open: you will need to “accidently” come across a movie like 50 Shades or a very specific porn to start a casual conversation asking them what they think about it. Below a screenshot from the Netflix series “Bonding” which is about a professional mistress. As the series is actually quite entertaining it might be a nice way to open up a conversation about latex or BDSM, in case you are interested in that.

Once you are ready to take the plunge, you might want to start out by indicating your feelings of vulnerability so your partner is more careful with their initial reaction. Luckily a fetish for rainwear is relatively innocent: it will probably be met with a reaction of surprise instead of disgust, fear, or shock. I honestly think most people would see it as quirky or cute, but not much more. Anyways, it is recommended to start slow with your confession; explain what you like and why but remember there is no need to share your most extreme fantasies at this point already. It is probably better to wait for the reaction of your partner or let them digest it for a while before getting into more details of the strange kinds of kinky depravities you would like to experience at some point in your life. With other words, don’t show up fully geared with a pair of restraints in your hands out of the blue, as shown in the picture below. While you have been accepting your fetish for a while already and been dreaming of scenarios and activities, your partner just got confronted with it and will need time to process all the information. Give them time. And maybe bring it up again a few weeks later. And not unimportant: once you have opened up yourself it would be a good time to ask them about what makes them tick as well. After all you probably don’t just want your own needs met, it would be much more interesting if the both of you can have a more thrilling experience the next time.

rainwear fetish community

Of course there is always the chance your partner will not be very receptive to your interest in rainwear. In that case you will need to do some soul-searching how important it is for you to share this actively with your partner. Maybe you can get by in another way, by yourself, or maybe the two of you are just not meant to be.

Personally I have only told a very limited group of people about my interests in rainwear: I do not think it is much of anybody’s business what I do privately. The fact that rainwear is quite common makes it even more difficult as it might stop people from wearing raingear around me to avoid giving the wrong signals or make them think twice when I am innocently wearing a pair of rubber boots to keep my feet dry after it rained all day. When it is applicable I would probably want to share this information with a partner for the obvious reasons, but till then I am happy to explore this by myself.

How common is a fetish for rainwear?

It is hard to quantify the number of people with a fetish for rainwear, but based on the number of participants in online rainwear communities or the number of social media profiles expressing a love for rainwear, it is not very common. Even when you add the people who show a clear above-average interest in rainboots on their profile, the numbers are nowhere near the ones for many other fetish communities. This is something one could expect: most people associate rainwear with protection during bad weather and not so much with intimacy or sexual arousal. The covering nature, bright colors, and wide-fit of rainwear does not help either – it simply does not look sexy to most people.

In research the estimates of the number of people with a fetish tends to be wide, possibly because there is no clear definition of when an interest in certain clothing or activities really turns into a fetish. It is not strange for women to feel a special attraction to men in a business suit or uniform, or for men to get aroused by women in short skirts, high heels, or lingerie, but does that make it a fetish or is it simply a preference? The higher side of estimates regularly mentions that about 1 out of 6 or 7 people has a fetish, with it being more prevalent with men than with women.

The most often mentioned interests are impact play (BDSM), role play, and feet. When looking at clothing specific fetishes you will see a lot of focus on uniforms, leather, latex, and other smooth or shiny materials that highlight the shape of the body. The interest in rainwear is normally so low it does not even get mentioned, with the exception of maybe rubber boots which regularly play a small role within the latex community. One British tabloid mentioned that a good 2% of Brits had admitted having worn a pair of rubber boots during sex at some point, but I have my doubts much of the sexual play was really focused on the wellies as opposed to just having forgotten to take them off before the fun started, or taking the piss with the questionnaire by filling in the strangest thing they could think off at the spot (which explains the 3% of people claiming they have worn roller skates while having sex, or am I missing something here?). So sexy:

The ratio man versus woman is heavily favoring males as they make up the majority of active participants in online conversations. Also regarding social media profiles it is mostly men posting and engaging in interactions. This matches what most researches have pointed out: a fetish seems more common with men than with women. There are women with a fetish of rainwear online though, although most of them are in a relationship already or have a commercial profile sharing their interests in the hope of attracting paying customers for what they are offering.

Dating within the rainwear community

With such a small active rainwear community there are limited opportunities to date within the scene. In the past there was the Mackintosh Society in the UK where members would regularly get together, but that was more based on social interaction than dating as most people would go there with their partner. These days the majority of social events take place within the gay community, where gear-specific meetups are quite common. Rainwear might not be in the center during such meetings, as it is too specific, but there is regularly an overlap with people interested in rubber, hazmat clothing, or other protective gear.

Another way to start dating with like-minded people is by building a connection through social media or on fetish-specific dating sites. Here it will also be mostly gay men openly expressing their interests in certain gear and willing to meet up based on these interests.

That begs the question: where can a straight guy find a woman interested in rainwear? This is a question I receive regularly and I think it is the wrong question to ask. I can understand the interest in finding a partner with the exact same fetish as it would make “coming out” very easy and it is pretty obvious what kind of kinky things will take place right from the start, but would you really want to base a relationship on a match of sexual interests?

A better criterion to look for is someone who you can have a good connection with and has an open mind regarding sexual experimentation. Rainwear is not so extreme that you really need to date within the community to find a willing partner; with the right person and in the right setting most women would probably be quite accommodating with requests.

Here it is important to understand that men and women are often quite different regarding sexuality. Where men are more focused on physical turn-ons, women are more sensitive to the mental part. Most women I know are quite willing to experiment with different things in the bedroom, as long as they are genuinely attracted to the person they are with. If integrating your interests into the play in an acceptable manner leads to a great explosion of joy, there is a good chance they will be very accepting to using it more often or going a step further. This goes back to the start of the article on how to tell your partner: if you start slow and make it enjoyable for both parties there is a good chance you will get what you crave more often.

Finally one more general remark about meeting people online for dating: it is really easy to continue talking online for a long time and building up expectations about the other person. But the longer you wait, the harder it will be to actually meet up as the chances of disappointment grow over time. The advice I heard most is to create a specific online profile for dating, make contact, and meet up relatively soon in a public place with a time limit. That way you avoid unrealistic expectations and can continue with real-life or virtual meetups till you are ready for the next step.